I work with clients who are recovering from a traditional divorce. I also work with clients who are recovering from the dissolution of a common-law marriage, civil union, domestic partnership, or gay marriage. Folks are folks. The end of any committed relationship knows no man-made boundaries.

to top

How common is it for people to have difficulty getting "back to normal" after divorce?

Everyone who goes through a divorce experiences some trouble getting back into the mainstream of life. All committed relationships carry along with them hopes, dreams, and expectations of the future. Divorce destroys many of these. To let go of our attachments to these hopes and dreams and to forge ahead into a future that is, by definition, unknown is difficult.

to top

How long does it take?

Everyone’s journey is unique. Experienced has shown that typically the minimum time necessary is between 12 to 14 sessions. Each session usually lasts 2 hours. Depending on the issues and needs of the individual situation, additional time may be required.

to top

What if my schedule does not enable me to meet in 2-hour blocks?

While 2-hour sessions enable us to “ride the momentum” created in the beginning of each session, meeting for 1-hour sessions is possible. The only consequence is that it may take a little longer to complete the process.

to top

Where would we meet?

For clients in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area, the initial meetings can be anywhere you feel comfortable, as long as we have enough privacy to discuss your reactions to the divorce. If you choose, the initial meetings can be in my office at 250 6th St. East, #609, St. Paul, MN 55101. The follow-on meetings will be in my office.

For clients outside the Twin Cities area, we will meet on the telephone.

to top

What should I bring?

All you need to bring is your willingness to talk about your reactions to the divorce and your desire to move on to the next chapter in your life.

to top

How should I prepare?

Take a deep breath and tell yourself, “It is time to take the next step.”

to top

Can I bring my kid?

In a word, no. We need to focus on how this difficult life transition is impacting your life. Children being present distract from your ability and freedom to give full focus on the transition issues we need to address.

to top

How is this program unique?

I provide a structured program that has a limited time frame and that uses new, comprehensive knowledge on how to dissolve resistance to change. This new approach to resistance to change is explained in detail in my book, Me? Change? Not Now. Not Ever! How to Dissolve Hardcore Resistance to Change in the Workplace, Oklahoma City (Editorial Annex), 2003. This book details the first practical prescription for how individuals can navigate any transition from how things are now to how you want them to be next, including the divorce recovery transition.

to top

What do you actually do? How is it distinctive?

I coach, consult, mentor, and train my clients. I do not give them psychotherapy.

	Yes	No

Psychotherapy

Coaching

Consulting

Mentoring	Sometimes

Training	Occasionally

As a coach, I help clients create actionable strategies for releasing their baggage caused by divorce and for returning to the “mainstream of life” with renewed hope.
As a consultant, I use my specialized expertise in how to dissolve resistance to change to craft a discussion program that enables clients to actually release their baggage and regain their hope.
As a mentor, I use my own experience of having been through divorce twice to help clients deal with specific issues as they come up.
As a trainer, I occasionally call upon my training skills in interpersonal communication to help clients create, practice, and conduct difficult conversations with their ex.

to top

What is the difference between Coaching and Therapy?

Therapy assumes the client needs healing. It looks to the past, and asks the question, “Why are you reacting the way you are?” The goal is to help the client/patient enhance self knowledge and increase personal insight. The therapy engagement typically has an open-ended time frame.

Coaching assumes the client is healthy, but stuck. It looks to the future and asks the question “What do you need to do in order to realize a specific goal you want to achieve?” The goal is to help the client formulate and implement an action plan designed to reach his or her goals. The coaching engagement typically has a fixed, short-term time frame.

to top

What about the distinctions among coaching, consulting and therapy?

The matrix below may help clarify the distinctions between coaching, consulting, and therapy:

	Coaching	Consulting	Therapy

Client status	Healthy, but stuck	Healthy, but uninformed	Sick, needs healing

Who is the “expert?”	The client	The consultant	The therapist

Types of questions	Asks: What? How?	Asks: What? How?	Asks: Why?

Time focus	Present & future	Present & future	Past & present

Whose agenda?	Client sets it	Consultant sets it	Therapist sets it

Problem solving	Client solves problem	Consultant solves problem	Problem is analyzed and may or may not be solved. Why is it happening is analyzed.

Goal	New, effective behavior	Understanding of the situation	Self knowledge, personal insight

The Client’s need for information	Client has all info needed	Client needs additional information	Client needs additional information & insight

Role of consciousness	Works with conscious mind	Works with conscious mind	Works to bring unconscious into consciousness

Underlying model	Performance model	Information model	Medical model

Covered by insurance	No	No	Yes, with DSM-IV diagnosis. (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - Fourth Edition)

Meaning of strong negative emotions	Indicates something in the situation is problematic	Indicates something in the situation is problematic	Indicates something about the client is problematic

	Coaching	Consulting	Therapy

to top

Will this program work for me?

While guaranteeing success for any one particular individual is not possible, the track record for clients who complete the program is very encouraging. For example:

On average, clients who have completed the program report an 86% increase in positive feelings about their life after the divorce and an 80% decrease in negative reactions.

One client was able to talk calmly with her ex about child visitation arrangements for the first time in two years.

For the first time since her divorce four years previously, another client was able to talk to her ex and retrieve some nostalgic mementos her mother had given her.

to top

How much does it cost?

The fee for Divorce Recovery Consulting and Coaching compares favorably to the fees for psychotherapy.

to top

Do you take insurance?

We do not take insurance. To qualify for insurance, a client must be certified with a medical diagnosis according to the requirements of the DSM-IV. (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - Fourth Edition). We don't perceive our clients as sick, but “stuck” in realizing their goals.

to top

Do you accept credit cards?

Yes. We accept Visa, Mastercard, American Express, and Discover.

to top

Do you offer payment plans?

Yes.

to top